With an estimated 374 people set to be executed during the 2008 Beijing Olympic Games, China has been named the world's most prolific executioner by human rights group Amnesty International. American academic and political dissident Yang Jianli, 45, spent five years on death row for entering China on a friend's passport. He was kept in solitary confinement for 15 months, wasn't allowed outside and was forced to work with dangerous chemicals.
In 1989 I was studying Maths at Berkely in California. It was while I was at university that I was elected by my peers to join the student protests in China. So I went and I witnessed the massacre at Tiananmen Square. I was on Chang An Street for 10 hours after first bullet was fired. When I first saw the wounded and killed pedestrians I didn't believe it was true – it was like a movie. I was very calm, but afterwards I got very emotional.
After that I was blacklisted from entering China, but in 2002 I went back. I had no documents, so I was charged with illegal border crossing and espionage.
After they arrested me I was held in Kun Ming Detention Centre. At that time I had tremendous worries. I was kept there for 12 days and then transferred to Beijing State Security Bureau Detention Centre. They handcuffed and blindfolded me, put me in the back of a car, and it was at that moment I began to feel fear. I simply didn't know where they would take me or what they would do.
The journey took hours – I don't know why it took so long. I remember the car breaking down because it was hailing so hard. I was kept in the detention centre for the next eight months and then transferred to Beijing Prison No 2.
When the investigation period began, it was very difficult. For eight months I was not allowed fresh air or to go outside. For 15 months I was kept in solitary confinement, with no meaningful human contact. I didn't see anybody, only prison officials, very briefly. My life was very basic: I would eat, go to the bathroom and sleep. I was like an animal, not a human being.
This caused me tremendous anxiety. At certain points I almost collapsed with worry. I would ask myself: "How long will I stay? What will they do to me?" I worried especially about my family – my parents, wife and children.
In solitary confinement, I tried to remember long English words. To my dismay I found that I couldn't, so I thought I'd do something about it. I started writing poems in my head. Each day I would spend long hours writing poems, changing them and repeating them. This kept me going. I was given a pen and paper to write my defence and confession, but I used them to write my poems. Some guards became friends and would help me.
I also prayed: I had a morning prayer and an evening prayer, and I prayed to God to free me. But I also thought that there might be a purpose to this that I did not understand.
When I first transferred to the prison system, after the verdict, I shared my cell with two inmates who had been sentenced to death. One expected to be executed in two and a half years, the other in four years.
Prisoners would bribe the authorities to save their lives. They paid hundreds of thousands of yuan, aided by their lawyers, who had contact with the police authorities. The inmates couldn't know if the bribery would work or not – they just paid and hoped.
One of the inmates told me about a guy who had murdered a high party official. On the day of his execution the guards let a relative of the official into his cell. The relative went in with a stick and beat him until he was at his last breath. Then the man was executed. They killed him by bullet.
The cells were not clean. My cell was one of the best because I had a high profile case, but we had five people living in a space of 15 square metres. We ate, slept and worked in our cell. I once protested that we should move our work out of the cell as it involved harmful chemicals that made it hard to breathe and hurt our respiratory systems.
The water we drank was very bad too; it came directly from under the ground with no filter. One inmate got grey hair prematurely – we think because of the water. Criminals were often denied medical treatment, and one prisoner I knew died through the neglect of the prison authorities.
When I was first put in a cell with people from death row I felt scared. I kept thinking: "How did I get into this situation?" We all slept on wooden boards, and it was strange to know that the men lying a couple of feet away would be executed soon. I tried to make sense of what it meant.
During the day they would have shackles on their hands and feet. They weren't worried – they would play games. I felt humbled by this. They didn't talk about their impending executions, and I didn't dare ask. I used my eyes and ears more than my mouth. I will never forget their relaxed attitude.
I knew a man of 20 who had committed robbery and was sentenced to death. The Chinese government seem to just do whatever they want instead of following judicial procedures. The boy had no way to appeal; there was no one to help him. A few days before his execution he said: "Next time I am born, if I see the American flag I will say yes; if I see the Chinese flag I will say no."
I worried about being put on death row, but hoped they wouldn't execute me due to the high-profile nature of my case. Many people (the US Congress, university professors, friends and neighbours) were working hard for my freedom. I thought I'd be kept in prison for 15 or 20 years, but I believed that this would be even worse than the death penalty. Being alive without freedom is worse than being dead. If you are dead you are in the hands of God.
I was offered early release with the precondition that I leave China right away. But I did not want to be forced to leave – I had gone to China in the first place to declare my right to live in my home. I stuck out a five year sentence because of that.
After I was released I went back to the US – to my wife and children in Boston. I felt very eager to be reunited with my family, but at the same time I felt some pressure. They went through such hardship and misery while I was in prison, I had to give something back. Also, I was thinking about why I was in prison and what kind of work I should do to help China democratise. I have such plans as a free man – there is still so much I want to accomplish.
• Yang Jianli was talking to Rhoda Buchanan
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